|
If
you are a living, breathing human being,
you will have conflict. If you have
an opinion on anything, you will disagree
with someone and engage in conflict.
Conflict is an inevitable part of life,
work and relationships. What happens
when you face conflicts with your friends,
family or co-workers?
What
if a friend doesn’t show up for
a dinner engagement or fails to complete
a responsibility on a combined project?
How do you handle it when a friend asks
you to do something unethical? What
is your reaction when someone falsely
accuses you of making a hurtful comment?
Do you tend to hold your tongue? Do
you wait to see what will happen? Or
do you confront, defend and blow up?
Facing
conflict in relationships is difficult.
We all want peace, co-operation, harmony
and resolution. Conflict can result
in either problem-solving and resolution,
or an all-out war! Conflictual scenarios
can prevent collaboration and cause
relationship breakdown unless you have
the skills to manage it. How you approach
conflict greatly impacts the outcome.
Scriptural
Insights
Every
book of the Bible contains examples
of conflict. A godly attitude, response
and prayer can make a huge difference
in how the process unfolds.
Gideon
had a remarkable gift for defusing conflict.
In Judges 8:1-3 the Ephraimites accused
and criticized him sharply. Gideon’s
response was truthful, gentle and complimentary.
This caused their resentment and anger
towards him to subside, proving the
principle found in Proverbs 15:1: A
gentle answer turns away wrath, but
a harsh word stirs up anger.
Prayer
is essential. Pray that your attitude
will be loving and that God will provide
you with His wisdom and insight to work
through the issue. Paul exhorts us to:
“always keep on praying” and
to “do everything in love.”
in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (TLB) and 1
Corinthians 16:14 (NIV).
Practical
Strategies for Managing Conflict
- When
you clash or disagree with someone,
one way to prevent escalation is to
take a time-out to consider the issues
and your response. Don’t feel
pressured to resolve the situation
immediately.
- Sum
up what the other person says
by paraphrasing their demands, viewpoints
and comments. This will clarify the
issue and provide you the opportunity
to reply. Most people don’t listen
well and tend to react defensively
when engaged in conflict. Summarizing
what someone says demonstrates that
you are listening, you care and are
trying to understand. Replaying what
you hear doesn’t equate to agreement
with their opinion or request. Here
are some ways to help you sum up what
the speaker is saying: "In other
words, you were not able to make the
dinner appointment and thought I should
have called you to confirm the date
beforehand?" or "What I
hear you saying is that you want me
to tell our friends that you were
sick when you really weren't?"
- Communicate
your need, viewpoint and request
graciously but firmly. “I was
hurt when you didn't show up for dinner
because I thought the date was set.
I would really appreciate it if in
the future you could call me and let
me know you can't make it. That way
I won't be sitting in the restaurant
worried about you." or “I
prefer to tell our friends the truth
about what happened or would ask that
you tell them. I want to be forth-right
and honest about the situation."
Application
Write
out a scenario when you experienced
conflict in a relationship with a friend.
Envision how you could respond by using
the time-out, sum-up skills and communicating
your viewpoint.
Why
not discover how you can better manage
conflict and prevent relationship breakdown?
Using conflict resolution skills along
with prayer and God’s wisdom will
give you greater opportunity for success
in your friendships, family and the
workplace.
~ Lynette J. Hoy, is a Marriage and
Family counselor, speaker, writer and
the Chicagoland Chair of Community and
Business Women for Christ. Her newly
released book, What's Good About
Anger? can be ordered online at:
Counsel
Care Connection or Amazon.com.
To
contact us, click here
|
